Nu’ng bata pa ‘ko, ang simple lng ng tingin ko sa buhay. ‘Yung tipong papasok ka sa school, mag-aaral mabuti to get good grades, gagraduate ng HS with honors (dapat daw), papasok sa magandang university or colloge at kumuha ng magandang kurso, ggraduate ulit (dapat may honors ulit), tapos papasok sa magandang company, at aabutin ang gustong maabot sa buhay. Ganun lang. I thought I could mold my life perfectly into a shape that I want it to be. Possible, yet not that easy.
At the age of three, I already knew what I really wanted to do in life. Simple lang, maging sorbetero. Oo, yung nagtitinda ng dirty icecream sa kalye.. I was keep on telling my mom about it, kaso tinatawanan lang ako. Lahat ng pagsabihan ko noon, natatawa lng sa akin. Kaya finally, I’ve decided to modify the goal. So at the age of six, iba na ang pangarap ko sa buhay. Ang maging pedicab driver. Gusto ko tlaga magdrive ng pedicab. Kaya lang, rejected pa rin yung ambisyon na yun kasi nung ngpapabili ako sa parents ko ng pedicab, ibinili nlng nila ako ng Barbie with complete playset. Not fit for girls daw ang bike and besides, masyado daw mababaw na pangarap yun. Sabi ng mom ko, I should be a doctor, or a lawyer perhaps. So from then on, I was keep on telling my friends, classmates and teachers that I wanted to be a lawyer someday (kahit d ko nmn tlga alam ginagawa ng lawyer). Pero through the years, deep inside, gusto ko pa rin tlaga maging pedicab driver. Hanggang sa ma-upos nalng ang pangarap na un..
So succinctly, I followed everything that people around me would like me to be. I became someone that people thought that I am. Sabi nila masunurin daw ako, matalino daw. Ang pagiging matalino at masunurin daw will bring you to success. I’ll do great if I would do what I was told. Kaya ginampanan ko nmn ang pagiging masunurin at matalinong bata hanggang makagraduate ako. Ganun lang kasimple..
Pero bakit ganun? Who am I right now? Where exactly am I right now? Have I been the person that I truly wanted to be, or merely a reflection of unfulfilled years?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy with my life. I always feel blessed and thankful. It’s just that tonight, I feel empty. I don’t know why? Umaga na nga, di pa ko makatulog. Iniligpit ko na laptop ko ng 230am, binuksan ko pa ulit ng 4am. Ewan ko ba…
What’s next for me? Bahala na..
